Sick day guilt
What do you make it mean when you take time off work when you're sick?
And particularly, when you're not THAT sick that you literally can't work.
Do you think it means that you...
Are selfish?
Care more about yourself than your patients?
Are weak or an imposter for getting sick in the first place?
Are lazy?
Always do the responsible thing?
Are being a good role model to your patients?
You will have your own interpretation of what it means when you take a sick day, and the particular thoughts you have about this (consciously & subconsciously) determine whether or not you're likely to feel guilty when you do.
If your predominant belief is that you're being responsible and modelling to your patients what it looks like to prioritise your health, you're far less likely to feel guilty than if your main belief is that it's a selfish thing to do.
Our particular flavour of beliefs surrounding rest and work will have been influenced by our family of origin, our society and religion or culture. It will have been influenced by our field and the messaging we get about what it means to be a "good" healthcare professional, our work environment and past experiences.
Have you ever asked yourself... what do I think?
Have you ever intentionally decided what relationship YOU want to have with work and rest?
Have you ever considered whether you're willing to disappoint yourself or do you only think about letting others down?
When you are deciding whether or not to stay home from work, do you go internally to make that decision? Or do you only consider what OTHERS will think or feel, or how they will judge you?
For the most part, we live out our lives & careers on the default setting created by our external world. We may not even logically always agree that it's bad for us to take a rest day, but still can't quite seem to shake the guilt of letting others down or the feeling that we - like little children - are about to "get into trouble".
And so because you feel guilty about taking a sick day, you may decide to actually do the OPPOSITE and go to work instead of resting, only to find that your colleague thinks you're weak and bending to patriarchy, that a patient is judging you for not taking care of your own health like you tell her to do and that your boss is annoyed that you've come to work and put everyone else at risk of infection.
It's like that Aesop's fable of the man, the boy & the donkey that taught us if you try and please everyone, you will end up pleasing no-one.
So the work here is to create your own, authentic relationship with work and rest. To explore what YOU believe about when to rest and when not, to develop the self-trust to make the decision that's right for you - regardless of what anyone else thinks.
To consider the trade-offs you're making either way, and to choose which ones you're willing to make. And develop the capacity to have others judge or misunderstand you for your choices.
This is what developmental psychologist Robert Kegan calls self-authorship - a stage in our adult psychological development where we create an internally defined identity.
And it's an incredibly important - and freeing - stage for us to navigate.
P.S. For more on the topic of Sick Day Guilt, click on the button below to access the podcast episode.
I talk about why we tend to experience the emotion of guilt (and why it can be useful!), why what we feel doesn't always match what we logically know & provide reflection questions you can use to create your own intentional relationship and beliefs around work & rest.
