Why I don’t say “I can’t afford it”
You might read the title above and think... so you can afford to buy anything & everything?? 🙄 This girl must be swimmin' in it.
And to be sure, I have access to most things I could ever need or want & I will be the first to acknowledge the immense privilege that I have - especially obvious in a place like South Africa. But I'll assume for the sake of this email that you & I are both in a fairly similar boat in that regard.
(Also, side note: have you ever thought about what it even MEANS to afford something?? Does it mean you literally have that amount of money somewhere? Or does it refer to the fact that you budgeted for it? Do you just mean that the purchase "makes sense" to you? You'll notice that we all mean something different in different scenarios when we talk about affording something.)
Anyway, I digress.
The main reason I don't say it is simply that...
I prefer to use language that implies agency.
So I'd say something like...
I don't want that, I'm not willing to pay that amount for it, I'm prioritising other things right now, I'm feeling uncertain about whether this is the right purchase for me etc.
And this is the same reason I (as far as possible; I'm not a robot) don't say things like...
I'm so sick but I have to go to work
Ugh, I'm so tired but I have so many social obligations this weekend
She asked me to pick her up so I had to say yes
I'd really love to start going to the gym, but I don't have time
All the above are choices that are phrased as if they aren't choices.
Yes, if I don't go to work I might get fired. If I don't go and see my Aunt she might feel hurt. And if I said no to my friend asking me for a favour I might lose that friend.
But the fact that there are consequences and trade-offs to a choice doesn't mean it's not a choice.
It means I know the trade-offs and I'm making a decision based off the ones I'm willing to make.
And to go a step further, even if I could logically argue that I literally can't afford something because I don't have that money and couldn't make a plan to get it...
I would still choose to use language that directs me towards what I can control because talking about things that aren't just isn't helpful to me 🤷🏽♀️
It sounds like such a simple shift, but I promise that orientating towards agency is one of the most incredible things you can do for the quality of your life.
And as you practice it more & more even in seemingly insignificant moments, the more it becomes your default way of thinking.
When we feel like we're living on purpose, when we feel like we're in the driver's seat of our own lives we have so much more energy, motivation and clarity on what's important to us.
We are also more honest with ourselves & others, and more likely to take action to changing our situation and creating the life and career we actually want - even when that is hard to do.
So next time you find yourself repeating a phrase that makes you feel crappy or like you don't have agency over your life, ask yourself:
💭 Can I be absolutely sure that that's true?
💭 And... is it USEFUL to me?
I'd love to know what you find 😉
P.S. If spending money on yourself feels uncomfortable, or like you're being irresponsible or selfish - take a listen to this week's podcast called Investing in Yourself by clicking on the box below.
I talk about how I used to feel the same, and what shifts I've made in how I think about it that has allowed me to really invest in my own growth and support and #dohardthings because of it.
Happy listening! 🎧
